Piss & Vinegar #025: The Gathering

I’ve no idea why I got The Gathering, but I did. It’s not a very good film. It sort of reminds me of a wannabe Omen, but ends up making the same sort of schoolboy errors as The Ninth Gate. It’s a horror film that holds no horrors.

American hitch hiker Cassie (Christina Ricci) is knocked down by a distracted Marion Kirkman (Kerry Fox), who feels responsible for her, and so takes her in after she is discharged from hospital. Meanwhile, Fox’s art historian husband Simon (Stephen Dillane) is working on a dig on behalf of the Church; it seems two festival goers at that year’s Glastonbury fell through a hole in the ground into an entombed early Christian site, and so now it must be properly excavated and its treasures investigated. And guess what: it turns out to be built by Joseph of Arimathea!

Meanwhile Cassie keeps having these funny feelings, and lots of slack-faced, straw-chewing locals seem familiar to her, but she can’t figure out why. In the midst of all this, she strikes up friendships both with the Kirkmans’ young son Luke and with sympathetic hottie Dan (Ioan Gruffudd).

Frankly even typing this out is making me feel listless. It’s a rubbish film. The name refers to a bunch of people who were supposed to have turned up at the crucifixion to have a good rubberneck at the death of Christ, and who were cursed to live forever, watching all manner of atrocities, and all those weird yokels – and Dan, and Cassie herself – are members of the group, as depicted in statue form in the damned Josephine church. God, the film’s so bad it’s even poisoned my command of English. Apologies.

But there is at least a soupçon of piddle. I think it’s the kid wetting himself towards the end when the bad guy comes to kill him or something.

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