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Screen Surgery & Film First Aid

On-screen illustration as Archie Gates (George Clooney) explains how a bullet wound to the trunk of the human body will cause sepsis as bile is released into the abdominal cavity in Three Kings.

You know anything about gunshot wounds? Specifically, the worst thing about a gunshot wound, provided you survive the bullet, is something called sepsis. Say a bullet tears into your gut. It creates a cavity in the dead tissue. That cavity fills up with bile, and bacteria, and you’re fucked.

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Dagnammit, let’s just finish off with Shooter

So our Marine Scout Sniper patsy Bob Lee Swagger (Mark Wahlberg) has been shot up good; having patched himself up temporarily, he turns up at the home of his dead comrade’s widow, Sarah Fenn (Kate Mara). He presents her with a shopping list of common or garden tat to procure, and then gets her to have a crack at domestic surgery:

As can be seen, the list includes:

TWELVE CANS WHIPPED CREAM

1 PACK SURGICAL GLOVES

TWO BOTTLES ALCOHOL

2 FEET SURGICAL TUBING

1 PACK SURGICAL SPONGES

HOT WATER BOTTLE

TWO PAIRS SURGICAL SCISSORS

1 PACKAGE TONGUE DEPRESSORS

3 BOXES 4×4 GAUZE

5 TENNIS BALLS

[…] PACKAGES SEWING NEEDLES

[…] SMALL TOWELS

All the booty piled up…

Not sure what the tennis balls were for…

…But the whipped cream cans are packed full of delicious nitrous oxide to help knock out our hero…

There – some handy hints on what to do if you ever get shot but don’t fancy waiting in casualty to get seen.

Screen Surgery & Film First Aid #002: Shooter

Last time we were looking at Shooter, ex-Marine sniper Bob Lee Swagger (Mark Wahlberg) had been shot whilst being framed for an attempted assassination. He stole an FBI car, escaped, and raided the first aid kit for QuikClot, which helped staunch his wounds. That’s where we now pick things up.

Swagger goes to a regular convenience store and buys a few provisions: sugar, salt, bottled water, some big-arse needles, Biros, rubber tubing of some description, an icing injector. He holes up in some crappy garage somewhere, and starts making himself a DIY drip…

First, the sugar and salt go into one of the water bottles:

Screen Surgery & Film First Aid #002: Shooter

A little shake…

Screen Surgery & Film First Aid #002: Shooter

Next he tightly inserts the tubing into the mouth of the bottle…

Screen Surgery & Film First Aid #002: Shooter

…Sterilises a big-arse needle with a lighter…

Screen Surgery & Film First Aid #002: Shooter

…Which is then stuck into the other end of the tubing, and inserted into his arm, with the bottle positioned above him. Voilà! Homemade drip! (Can’t for the life of me figure out what the icing injector was for – maybe he planned on baking cakes if it all panned out okay?)

Screen Surgery & Film First Aid #002: Shooter

Disclaimer: If you choose to rig this shit up yourself – having followed the instructions on some random blog, half-remembered from a crappy Hollywood movie – and give yourself an embolism or septicæmia or some other nastiness, then it’s your own fault, moron. No liability accepted, except for thinning out the gene pool to the benefit of the rest of us.

Arrrgh! I’ve been shot! But as I’ve been framed for an assassination I didn’t commit and am a fugitive from law enforcement, I can’t go to a hospital until I’ve cleared my name!

Fortunately I’m a retired Scout Sniper with a whole lot of Marine Corps training, so I reckon I can patch myself up till I can get me some proper medical attention. Having stolen an FBI car, I have a whole first aid kit to rummage around in. Let’s have a look see…

Shooter (1)

Aha! QuikClot! Just the job…

Shooter (2)

QuikClot is

a granular product that [is] poured directly on wounds to stop bleeding. It works by adsorbing water from the blood, Shooter (3)concentrating the clotting factors, activating platelets, and promoting steps in the coagulation cascade. It is composed of zeolite, a molecular sieve that traps molecules in a molecular “cage” and holding the trapped species by forming hydrogen bonds. The bond formation generates heat…

Generates heat?! Arrrgh!!!

*Nearly faints*